Every year, our family celebrates Thanksgiving with some very clear traditions. Angie spends hours preparing an amazing spread of food. The house slowly transforms from fall into the early signs of Christmas—pumpkins giving way to garlands, candles flickering next to nativity sets waiting their turn. The smell of turkey, candles, and desserts fills the air in a way that somehow feels both sacred and familiar.
Our grand table, the one that can seat fourteen, gets dressed up like it’s preparing for company from Scripture. Angie always puts together a centerpiece that looks like it belongs in a magazine, and we place each setting with care. Sometimes the parade is playing on the television. Some years we join the local Trot for Hope in the morning—mostly to feel better about the amount of food we’re about to eat.
Thanksgiving might just be my favorite holiday of the year.
But over the years, as we’ve walked deeper into foster care and adoption, I’ve learned something:
While our traditions bring us comfort, they can bring others—particularly children in foster care—a mix of emotions they don’t know how to name.
Holidays Can Be Beautiful, and They Can Be Heavy
When a child joins your home, you don’t always see the grief they carry. Trauma doesn’t take a holiday break. And for some children, Thanksgiving becomes a reminder that everything familiar in their world has shifted.
A child at your table may be thinking:
- This isn’t how my family did it.
- I wonder what my mom is eating today.
- If I enjoy this, am I betraying them?
- I miss my brother. I miss my sister.
- Where do I fit in this big family gathering?
And while we’re passing mashed potatoes and laughing about stories we’ve told a hundred times, a child may be fighting back tears at a table that feels too bright, too loud, or too unfamiliar.
Helpful Pointers for Foster and Adoptive Parents at Thanksgiving
1. Keep expectations low
Some children will lean in with excitement; others may withdraw or shut down. Either response is okay. Give them permission to participate at their own pace.
2. Offer choices, not pressure
Let them decide where to sit, which foods to try, and which activities to join. Choice creates a sense of safety and control.
3. Honor their story
Ask gentle questions about their family’s traditions if they want to share. This helps them feel seen rather than replaced.
4. Make space for quiet moments
Have a calm spot available where a child can step away from the noise without judgment.
5. Expect big feelings
Holidays can stir up grief, anxiety, and confusion. Behaviors may spike. Respond with patience and connection, not correction.
6. Create small points of connection
A shared walk, a small task in the kitchen, a special dessert—little moments can help anchor a child in an unfamiliar environment.
A Bigger Table, A Bigger Grace
The heart of Thanksgiving is gratitude, but for many children in foster care, the day carries both joy and ache. Our job isn’t to fix their feelings—it’s to make space for them.
When a child leaves the table knowing they were safe, welcomed, and valued, that’s a Thanksgiving worth celebrating.